Kenyans have a way of turning everything that is trending into a cliché.
No sooner a phrase becomes common, than it is milked dry, until it becomes jarring when you hear it. Here are top 10 that should be left behind in 2017.
1. #Kenyan Proverb
Used to describe phrases or colloquialisms that are used daily by various professionals. First of all, what we call proverbs, do not resemble anything like a proverb, structurally or semantically. A common one is, “Naeza Kucall usiku ama italeta shida”, used when one wants to find out if one is married or cohabiting. We have all used it, at one point. But it is not a proverb, we need to find a word for this figure of Speech…may be we call them Kenyanisms.
2. Mtaachana tu
As the chairperson of this bandwagon, I have become convinced that the dry-spell, nay, climate change most of us are facing is a result of this jealous-ladden phrase. Yes, that couple keeps posting adorable photos of their food and shoes. Yes, the guy is a slut. Yes, the female has no eyebrows. Let’s be gracious this coming year and mind our business.
3. Utajua Hujui
Okay, we get the word-play and the clever use of the oxy-moron. But stop with it already. Elections are over, so NASA people, calm down. It is plain and not even remotely close to the threatening effect it is desired to give.
4. I kent
Slay queens, are you with me? First off, it’s I can’t, as in, the condensed form of ‘I cannot’. While your duster-weaves may not respect the environment, let’s hold grammar and language in high regard.
5. Vindu vichenjanga
Most of you don’t even pronounce it as it should be said. One says that phrase and you’d think they have a toad in their mouths. Let’s stop already. This is Kenya, and if 2017 is a reference point, nothing changed.
6. Ndani ndani ndani
Trust Kenyans to turn anything to the most vulgar of terms. Bless your souls. As we close this year, visit your local shrine, church or wherever you seek higher intervention and ask for redemption. Get your minds out of the gutter.
7. Next month
Change your ways, fam. Do not take money if you cannot pay it back. Do not make promises you cannot fulfill. Kenya is a tricky place. One day you’re telling Jonnie how you cannot pay his 5k debt. The next day he spots you at Jiweke buying drinks worth the money we spent upgrading Thika Road into a Super Highway. Three days later, you’ll be eating grass, dry grass.
I get it. You love 21 Savage. He popularized the term and we joined the hordes of people drinking from his well of slang. While it is recognized worldwide and is really easy on the tongue, it is also a tired phrase.
9. Jana was so lit-lituation, finna get lit
Do you know why some Kenyans stay broke? Such terms. You live a life of facades and when the heavens decide to be gracious and send you blessings, the word lit is thrown around, lit as in hell. I joke. These terms go hand in hand with ‘bruh’, ‘form’ and ‘plot’. We need to have some respect for our mouths.
I don’t get it. Of course, to be a boy, and a human at that, you must be someone’s child. It’s a constant, like breathing, or farting after eating left-over beans. I get that this name sprung in the wake of a movement that spoke for the liberation of men. That said, I’d like to think that there are better words that can be used: kings, men. But disregard, I have tits. I would never understand the weight of that word.
11. My fren’
So much for William Ruto’s Citizen TV interviews. He popularized this, and it got out of hand. Kenyans can be lazy. Methinks Kenyans will get to hell because they were looking for a shortcut to heaven. The syllabic weight is the same. Also, remember how the world went to shit? Eve probably called the serpent, “my fren’’.
11. Let me tell you for free
Been around long enough, but it is really tired. Adds no value to what you want to say. Don’t use it.
12. The Law is very clear
Every ignorant politico on television will resort to this when explaining something fuzzy, or not grounded in law. Good riddance to them, as the country switches gear to more pressing issues. Or shall we?