After Awori, here are More qualified people President Kenyatta can appoint to Government

After Awori, here are More qualified people President Kenyatta can appoint to Government
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Think about it.

Moody Awori who was appointed to serve at the Sports, Art and Social Development Fund Board, was 5 when the Kikuyu Central Association was formed in 1933.

When Nelson Mandela was being circumcised sometimes in the 1930s, he was probably joining Mang’u, the dusty school near the armpit of Karen Blixen’s Thika.

By World War II, he was ready to be drafted and be dispatched to Burma.

He should have retired by 1987 from public service in 1987. But at the ripe and youthful age of 78, he was being implicated in the Anglo-Leasing scandal. Never mind that the born 40s and 50s generations have shown just as much respect to our resources as Waititu does the Queen’s Language.  In the spirit of the new hiring systems, we have compiled a list of possible appointees for the sake of helping achieve the Big 4 Agenda.

 Education: Waititu Ferdinand

The guy is a colossus in academia. A walking genius. He is evidence that a degree from Punjab University (all evidence shows that is offered in Gujarati) can take you to the pinnacle of Kenyan poltics. Armed with an MBA from KEMU, Waititu is an astute tactician with a history of solving problems by throwing stones at them and plunging both feet in his mouth afterwards as he defends himself. With hindsight, considering the stone throwing and pseudo intellect, he should just have claimed he went to the University of Nairobi and no one would question his credentials.

Health: Mugo wa Wairimu

No-one in Kenya has higher credentials for Minister of Health under the new dispensation than Mugo wa Wairimu. He is generous with drugs (which would improve the regular shortages of drugs in GOK hospitals) and he also consumes them with abandon of the reckless kind. Despite being caught on camera doing inappropriate things to female patients, selling drugs worth like 10 bob for hundreds and lying to Kenyans about the state of his clinics and his qualifications. However, despite an earlier expose showing that he is a quack and having been arrested, few people know how, he still ended up coming up on the other side, still operating clinics only doing it while so high on his own drugs.

Sports: Hassan Wario

After the Rio debacle where our athletes were exploited, stolen from and generally embarrassed in Rio. I cannot think of anyone more qualified to lead the sports ministry that the same guy who screwed up last time. Unlike the many qualified past athletes and coachers whose objectivity is marred by their understanding of the industry from a personal level. Wario has a record of incompetence and mismanagement that gives him a direct nomination.

Agriculture: Githeri Man

He already has a head of state commendation in his pocket for eating Githeri and uniting Kenyans as he waited to vote. More recently, he graduated from alcohol rehab. His election fame from the now banned paper bag of githeri evinced a deep understanding on all matter’s cereal. No-one can be a better replacement for Kiunjuri than Githeri man. 

Defence:Jowie

Allegedly trained in combat warfare in Afghanistan and by virtue of frequently being pictured wearing military fatigues and carrying hefty guns makes him the obvious choice for the Defence Ministry. He would bring to the table valuable information on getting shot to our soldiers in Somalia. He is already a treasure trove of data on the Kenyan legal system.  Also, his expertise in eating women according to an unbiased judge might be transferred to eating Al Shabaab.

Tourism: Verah Sidika/ Hudda Monroe

Never has the fate of rhinos been so important in Kenya than recently when 11 black rhinos died due to nobody’s fault but their own.  Under his watchful eyes (literally) the translocation went tits up and so did his temper and mud slinging game.  It brought awareness to rhino conservation -or decimation to unprecedented levels making Najib the perfect fit for his current job.  We only wish that he tries a hand at translocating mosquitos too.

But we think the high flying socialites, can do a good job in flying the Kenyan flag. They are world famous, they get mentioned in songs from Tanzania to Nigeria and they have permanent residencies in Dubai, a tourism hub, where we can learn a lot from. 

Agnes is/was a lowly police constable who through selling second hand clothes and farming had accumulated over 59 million in just 6 months. Under her financial leadership, we would spur and inspie our farming industry, textile and innovation.  We might even prevent children in 2022 from being born while already in Chinese CRB.

Communication and Information: Cyprian Nyakundi

Whether he is feuding with Akothee or generally mudslinging at women right, left and center; this guy is bound to leave you feeling; offended, confused, scandalized, disgusted and ironically also informed sometimes. At the moment the Ministry of Information does all the above with the exception of informing. How come he hasn’t gotten a Head of State recommendation already? Given Alai has one, its not like the bar is super high or something.

Transport

This should go to the Meru guy who handles logistics for the Miraa pickups somewhere in Meru town or Imenti or wherever the pickup trucks burst from every evening. Come rain or shine, Matiang’i or Michuki rules, the Hiluxes and Landcruiser (if you see a miraa Landcruiser you must be out very late though) will be driving to Nairobi as fast as Sonko makes bad decisions. They crash occasionally and kill a few Kenyans sometimes. But we can all agree that keeping Kenyans alive is only the second most important thing as far the those who enforce traffic/transport rules are concerned.

Finance: Agnes Chebii 

You all saw her in the media but quickly forgot her face, the way you forgot about, that UON girl who accidentally died somewhere on Moi avenue, or Chris Msando, Jacob Juma- you know him- the guy who said he would be killed and then surprise! I “die”gress.

Agnes is/was a lowly police constable who through selling second hand clothes and farming had accumulated over 59 million in just 6 months. Under her financial leadership, we would spur and inspie our farming industry, textile and innovation.  We might even prevent children in 2022 from being born while already in Chinese CRB.

Security

There are so many candidates here that parliament would spend weeks vetting them. Even the current Prime Minister, ahem. Minister for Interior, is a candidate given that he uses the constitution and court orders like they are papers for certain ehh… private and sensitive ceremonies done in small rooms.  This nomination goes to any of the 10’s of witchdoctors making theves eat grass. Most of these have passed the threshold of being past retirement age and their general lack of impact outside rumors and staged “punishment” will ensure a safe haven for criminals everywhere.

Lands: William Ruto

Duh!

Honorable mentions

Just for shits and giggles..

Bishop Maina of Neno and Prophet, Kanyari-now Bishop Mwangi and the Owour Mighty Prophet of the God, or is it the prophet of the Mighty God?  Any of those would make an awesome assistant minster of Health since they cure hundreds of people of cancer, HIV and collect more taxes for stupidity and gullibility more than KRA does PAYE. 

Article Categories:
Politics

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