Anyone that loves great head knows how it is such a turn on when you pour beer into a glass. In a way it has a subtle sexiness to it, building up to the revered first sip. Points to you if you have a moustache because the sensuality of the foam sitting on it is unmatched. This might sound overtly sexual but here’s the thing, beer is the new sexy. Over the years it has embraced its personality, grown in itself and radiates a confidence like no other – with the Ruhr Gold here is where the problem might lie.
A fellow writer and friend described it as a cheaper version of Tusker and Pilsner. I agree. With beer you are allowed to judge it from its body; and the Ruhr Gold is underwhelming. Yes, the bottle is nice but the beer tastes like an afterthought. It is those “hi” texts you get randomly from contacts you forgot you had just because they are bored and have nothing else to do. Your dalliance with this beer will end as soon as it started.
But here’s the thing with such beers that come on offer. They’ve probably been sitting in storage gathering dust, bored out of their wit but even with that they do not put in the effort to become interesting when they finally leave. Maybe, they embraced solitude, maybe the stay made their personality flatter than the curve we are trying to beat. But that’s just about it.
The beer is soft on the tongue – really soft. For a beer this is not something you want. You want it to roll of smoothly yes but you don’t want it to go down like flat carbonated water. I tried it only on the premise of experimenting – part of the drinking at home experience. But you know how chemistry is exciting? With reactions, fizzles and bangs? The Ruhr Gold is more like conducting a CRE experiment. The beer doesn’t want to challenge you it simply asks you what you would do if you were to pick 500 bob on the road.
But, out there might be people that actually like it. But let me tell you if you find anyone that likes this beer away from the fact that it was on offer and was means to an end during this lockdown then there’s probably two things about them. The first is that they are the kind of person that buys a car on merit it will take them from point A to B. This is a chap that does not care about the ride, engine capacity, horse power or any of those other fancy things people check before they buy cars. Second is that they probably enjoy njahi. Like really enjoy it. They will be the ones that try to convince you that njahi is elite and the only reason you did not enjoy it was because it wasn’t cooked “properly”.
So in conclusion if you are looking for an affordable beer to wait out this stay at home storm, a beer that will encourage you to walk to the bathroom every two hours with nothing to show it, a beer that will bore your tongue and can put you to sleep faster than a make-up tutorial vlog then you are in the right place. Anyway with that, stay home, stay safe and drink responsibly.