‘I am so done with men. I am going gay.’
‘I am so done with men. I am going gay.’
This has become a popular trend among women who, after being hurt by men, decide to date women. It is ‘twenty gayteen’ and being gay, especially among women has become trendy (If you are a man reading this you probably want to ask your missus if she has had any escapades with another woman. The honesty will depend on the level you two are on but that’s that). Women who have sexual relations with other women are seen as being kinky, naughty, wild or whatever fetishized term you use.
This ‘sexuality’ is often mistaken with lesbianism or bisexuality, but we have to be honest and call it what it is: Temporarily Disgusted with Men. While I agree that sexuality is fluid and women tend to experiment more with their sexuality than men, there are some peculiar traits about this particular ‘state’. Lesbians and bisexual women date other women because they are attracted to them romantically or sexually or both. Women who date other women because they are temporarily disgusted with men do so as a way of detoxification from men (Sic).
In this era of highly vocalized feminism unraveling the depths of patriarchy, woe unto you if you are a ‘woke feminist’ who entertains trash…erm men. Some people equate feminism with lesbianism such that dating other women is like a crowning for your feminism. Therefore, some women in this category of ‘Temporarily Disgusted with Men’ do it as a ‘sub-conscious’ obligation of being a feminist, and others because men are disgusting (based on all those toxic masculinity traits you read on the internet). I mean, who wants to date a rapist or a rape apologist?
Here are three outstanding traits of women who date other women because they are temporarily disgusted with men:
- They are always talking about how they hate men. I know most people assume that lesbians are men-haters. But they aren’t. They are less bothered about men. Their attraction to women has very little to do with men and everything to do with how beautiful women are. The women who are temporarily disgusted with men spew venom about men. Ironically, they barely talk about their love for women. They are simply dating women because women are not men and they (temporarily) hate men.
- They think vaginas are gross. How on earth do you date a vagina-possessing human when you believe that they are gross? (smh). Such a woman cannot even fathom the thought of seeing or touching their partner’s vagina. A woman dating another woman told me that ‘going down’ on another woman is disgusting. If it disgusts you to pleasure another woman sexually, why are you with them?
- They want their girlfriends to be ‘like men’. They often forget that the person they are dating/seeing is a woman too and has the same needs as them. Instead, they want their partners (mostly masculine-presenting) to ‘man-up’ and do the things a ‘typical man’ would do in a relationship. They have this mentality that a relationship can only function if one takes on the role of a man (heteronormativity). They don’t expect you to digress from this manly expectations, i.e. you can’t express yourself in a typically feminine way, you should not cry, you should always be the one to initiate sex, buy them gifts, take them on dates blah blah. The worst part is they expect you to fix what the men in their lives broke. To them, you are no longer a woman, but a perfect man.
To the women who ‘are going gay’ because men hurt you: well, the first gay is not a place you go to. I am not condemning experimentation but you just need to be honest about why you want to date a woman. No one wants to be taken for a ride only for you to land on some good d**k and leave. But most importantly, it diminishes the sexuality of lesbians and bisexual women because it gives the impression that they are all just in need of a good d**k, which is not the case. It also affects the visibility of queer women. To an extent, it creates an enabling environment for corrective rape.