Rules of Drinking at Home

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I tried making chapattis, not once but three times. While the first time was an epic disaster, the second and third trials produced something consumable by human standards. Or at least tolerable, their shape notwithstanding, they were soft and layered. They went especially nice with a nice creamy stew of kamande – yes, like most people I stocked up on frozen cereals in preparation for the lock down.

Am I an expert yet? No. But when you stay home for almost 6 weeks (still counting) boredom creeps in. Now, with that out of the way do not expect this to be an article on how to make chapattis. I might probably interest you in a simple pork ribs recipe but I will stick to something I have become a self-proclaimed expert on. Day drinking.

There’s two ways to go about this gents and it all depends on your living situation. If you are a bachelor that can walk in their boxers at weird hours of the day sub consciously smelling your pits because you’re not sure whether the milk is bad or you need a shower- then there’s a special way to go about it. If you are a caged beast with a circus master from the other gender then you definitely do not enjoy the same freedoms. Your life now is probably under a microscope and your freedom metered – tethered to the expectations of a demanding (maybe not) spouse.

  1. Stocking up

There are many online options you can opt for. A favorite is Chupa Chap – fast and cheap delivery fees. The next best option is The Bowery  in Kilimani. Just ring them up and you’re sorted. There’s the likes of Jumia and Yum Turn Up as well – just pick one.  For the married guys, this might be your chance to get out of the house. Get a shopping list from the Missus and head to your favorite supermarket.

The trick to stocking up is going for variety.

Sounds expensive huh? No.

There’s always a good variety of brands under each liquor type. From your whiskies to the vodkas. Don’t break bank trying to get all the expensive stuff.  Another trick is to opt for the smaller bottles. No one cares that you have three different 350ML bottles in your fridge. This is all up to you and your tastes.

Now what you need to do is to break down your stockpile into different liquors. For the spirits try a mix of whisky, gin, vodka, rum, tequila and brandy. Pick your favorite three (go for more if you can). Then go for the lighter stuff, your favourite beers. Get your favorite – of course then try a brand you never thought you’d like. This whole period is about experimenting. If you have the wifey at home pick a wine that’s her favorite – if she does not drink wine do it anyway, it will show you thought of her while you were stocking up for yourself. Finally, get an array of chasers. Soda is a safe option but go ahead and get tonic water, juices, and flavored teas. If you are feeling adventurous throw in plain yogurt too.

  1. Setting a schedule

Just because you are working from home does not mean you can wake up at 11 a.m. open the fridge and pour a drink. Okay, yes it basically means that but you’d rather not. Maintaining a schedule is important. Slot your day out into sections like you would if you were going to work. Plus, if you are married and have kids you don’t want to set the wrong example. You’ll probably have your ear chewed out by the missus – she already thinks you are a slob so why give her more reason to believe?

Set out your day and include drink breaks in between. What works best for me is a reward system. Once I have accomplished a certain part of a to-do list I pour myself a drink. Then of course one at the end of the day, just because. Also, know yourself – no not in that way you dirty mind – but know what days you can handle your drink. Doing it daily might look like fun but with no end in sight you could easily slip into addiction. Mine are Mondays (because Monday), Wednesdays and the weekend.

  1. Experiment

You’ve already stocked up and you have a variety of drinks in the house, so why not experiment? Don’t be boring and have the same thing over and over again. Remember that yogurt you bought? Mix it up with different drinks just to see what sort of kick you will get. The worst that could happen is you’ll hate the taste. But tough luck, you can always experiment with all the other stuff you got. You know what, since you guys are such champs here is a link to some simple cocktails you can try.

Here is where the married can thrive. If you nail a proper cocktail or mix and the missus loves it, she will not mind joining you on your schedule. Might even make her think you not such a slob and you definitely know the hanky panky that comes after imbibing will slap.

  1. Location

If you have a balcony this is a great place to enjoy your drink. It does not matter if your view is the wall to another apartment block. Go out there and enjoy your drink in peace, carry a portable speaker and have fun. But, if this gets boring, go wild.

If you are one of those people that have a work station, use it. Clear you work documents of course and wild away the night listening to music and enjoying your drink. If you don’t have a work station the basic sitting room set up will help. Get a mason jar though or a tea mug – you do not want the kids nagging to taste dad’s juice.

Finally, if you have a car relive your Oil Libya days. Go in, turn up the music, roll down the windows partially, drag out the cup holder and host yourself over a couple of hours. But, and here’s a big BUT – do not convince yourself to take a joy ride around the estate. Kids could be playing and basically you’d be as dumb as a cow’s hoof to drive while drinking.

  1. Company

Even for introverts like myself it does get lonely. You definitely miss the raucousness of a night club or the local pub. You will definitely miss the light hearted or sometimes heated banter with the boys. I would say you miss the dancing girls but the married guys are here too so let’s skip that. If it gets to you that much use the internet.

Whatsapp calls are great since you can have video and go on with your usual banter while enjoying your drink. If you are risky enough go for the IG live and play a drinking game with a friend while your followers watch. At the end of the day anything that does not sink your boat goes.

So that’s about it. How to drink while staying home.

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