Dear Mary Kwamboka,
I would have been a bit mannered and start this letter with some greeting in Ekegusii because I love those people from the hills! If anything, I have literally grown up under their shelter. At some point, I used to call myself Kwamboka to fit in among my friends. My doppelganger is a Nyagot; when she comes, home everyone calls her Rumona. For the past three months, I have added several kilos thanks to Transline. Nope, that greeting is not happening because I am mad at you.
Secondly, I am also a single mother like you. You’re a good actress, by the way; that was a good show, screaming in the full glare of the camera where justice is supposed to be dispensed daily. Did you rehearse? I mean, watch a few Nigerian movies here and there? Because after you completed your circus, we were all over social media saying, “Afro Sinema continues Shortly.” As I said before, I remembered your theatrics; I have a son who turns six next month. I got him while still young and in school. What followed next were battles to force the father to man up and take responsibility like what you attempted to do. I went to Kangaroo court, and my gaidi’s taught me a lot that includes ensuring that I broke the guy’s relationship. I was eager to see Karma work on that man, and when she delayed, I turned to God. Wait, wait, in my defense, I was stupid, bitter, and angry.
One of Jesus’ best friends, James, says that we do not get what we want because we do not pray. And when we attempt to pray, we have selfish motives (paraphrased). That makes two of us (before I grew up that is). My reasons were revenge and see the man suffer for impregnating me and leaving me to carry the ‘burden’ that came with it alone. Whereas mine was a genuine fight yours, I do not know what to make out of it. You did not show up in court. There are so many irregularities cited in the birth certificate and the lawsuit yaani. How did you get here?
Sadly, if someone does not want to be part of their child’s life, there is nothing you can do about it. Ask Beryl Itindi she went to the airport holding her five-year baby, took a photo, and posted on social media to try and hurt the other parent, but she says the guy never said a word!
Kwamboks, now that we are friends let me tell you of a story I read this week. Some woman with the same evil motives tore a man apart after discovering he was not the father of the child he thought was his. The court slapped that Kwamboka with 700k payment to the man for the distress and embarrassment caused. Should the same be done unto you will manage? Ama, we will have to hold prayer vigils and Harambee’s pale Wozap?
I also know of another Kwamboka that left the father of her daughter for cheating allegations. The man moved on and is living large with his family like nothing happened. This other Kwamboka has refused to heal from the pain caused by the man. She has refused to understand that she is a single mother, and the best one can do to live according to what they can comfortably afford. Her four-year-old daughter is in an international school where she coughs up to 150k per year in the name of school fees. The money is not even half her monthly salary. She still wants to go to girls’ night outs; live in a leafy suburb. Kwamboka also got wind of Children’s Court and decided to file for child support. The reason “that man ears about 500k a month”. Well, that’s his money, not yours, Kwamboka. When you find yourself being the only present parent, lifestyle changes, you live more responsibly. I mean, you can’t belong to class; you’re not!
By the way, was that kid yours ama she was part of the grand scheme to shame the man? I have met another Kwambs who hires children to shame a man and call him deadbeat. What I know is that all these dramas always ends in premium tears. Love yourself a bit more and respect yourself. Hustle bana, this Nairobi, is an animal farm, but I think the sun shines differently to honest single parents trying to make ends meet for their kids. It may be hard at first, but with time things get better. Sadly, if someone does not want to be part of their child’s life, there is nothing you can do about it. Ask Beryl Itindi she went to the airport holding her five-year baby, took a photo, and posted on social media to try and hurt the other parent, but she says the guy never said a word!
Kwamboka and your many sisters, you’re giving single mothers a bad name out there. We are not all bitter; I mean, we heal and move on, some of us. We work hard, get jobs, and not go out there, tarnishing people’s names to get outrageous child support money, ati entertainment 15K for a child! Should matters end in court, we do not call the media to announce our arrival; we are women of dignity. We live according to our standards and put our children first. I wrote this letter in the middle of the night to say you need to grow up and never pull such stunts again. I hope you won’t show up in another man’s burial, claiming that you’re the mother of his kid!
Rumona Apiyo is an Editorial Assistant at a local publishing house and a lover of words.