Often, I write articles that glorify women like…and sometimes I unleash the whip on the boychild, and for that, I have been labeled a sexist writer.
However, I am not a sexist writer— at least for today. Today, the writing gods have soothed my tone and I play for the men’s side.
It is Valentine’s Day today.
It is an hyper-commercialized day that initially was supposed to be a day for a romantic dinner and some rollicking lovemaking later in the day.
Companies will force us ladies to push our men to spend. Roses. Bed and breakfast on presidential suites of 5-star hotels. Chocolates. Ice cream. Exotic get-aways. Massage parlours – you name it. Pressure upon pressure.
Most Kenyan men will succumb to the pressure to it and end up paying up all these through their nose. They will take loans even from shylocks, M-shwari, soft loans from buddies. Those in business have profits to spend. Employed men will most likely for salary advances, this being mid-month.
The money will go to the salon, dinner dress and shoes, not pocket forgetting money.
From the men’s side, the M-PESA messages will read’ confirmed you have sent Ksh 3000 to Mary Johnson your balance is ksh20. The woman’s inbox, on the other hand, will be overflowing with money. (The senders are always more than two) Lord gracious! The women and slay queens (two different people) will then parade it all on Facebook and Instagram even though they will rarely tag these benefactors- the ever-sweet Kenyan men.
This Valentine’s Day let us flip the script. Let these kings take a break. Did I just call Kenyan men kings?
Let us make this Valentine one of the one they will never forget. Before I explain why men deserve a treat, allow me to state the reasons why they deserve a heavenly treat. Wanawake ebu vuteni stool
- Kenyan men are just romantic. I don’t exactly mean that they send us flowers daily or chocolates when the monthly red visitor knocks us down with serious cramps. No. Far from that. (Though some do) .These guys make it happen. A Kenyan man takes care of everyone. He sends money to his parents, grandparents, baby mama, ex-wife, an ex-girlfriend and of course you- the high maintenance girlfriend. Nothing speaks romance more than ‘babe-I got you’
- Kenyan men work hard: these guys are always chasing promotions, a better business deal, attending seminars all that to bring a fatter cheque home. Don’t believe me? Google this and thank me later.
- They are aggressive: these champions know what they want, and they go for it. They don’t dilly dally on business deals or job chasing. They just do it. They can shove the middle-finger when it gets tough but they don’t give up. They are made of steel. Toughened by the strongest of fires. Think of Barack Obama, David Rudisha, Raila Odinga, Miguna Miguna, Dennis Oliech, Allan Kiuna, the local boda-boda rider and the mathree driver who knows how to avoid a traffic jam by jumping over pavements as you hold your breath- oh our heroes!
- They are givers: Kenyan men are so generous. They give without expecting. They call. They spend. They pray for us. They shop for us. They pay rent. (I am looking for one to help me with rent-paying. They give us guidance. They can easily fall due to exhaustion. Therefore, I suggest that as ladies, we need to take a chill pill and treat them nicely.
We may not all afford to take them to Kempinski or Hilton, (but please do if you can) but we can get them a pair of Nike sneakers or their favorite shoes. And no boxers nor ties should make it to this list.
Don’t even evoke the gods of anger and curses by buying them socks and vests. Let us be serious for once. NO. Get him a designer suit. A suit that will set you back by $ 1000. Designer shoes. Get him expensive perfume. Fuel his car for a week. Pay his rent for two months. Send him and his boys to Serena hotel in Kampala for the weekend and while at it, give him small pocket money. Something like 50k, makes sense ladies?
Stop rolling your eyes now. I said stop. Well, the good ones are taking notes. Good men are rare ladies, treat him well. Remember he was once your prayer request. You even fasted in Katoloni for a week before the heavens graciously handed you this tall, chocolate, spectacled man.
(There is something special about men who wear specs- this a whole story for another day)
Before I put my pen down, allow me to tell you where I am coming from.
My first boyfriend whom we shall call Abdul, for now, was a rare case. This guy was Muslim, but he would make sure I go to church every Sunday. He bought me 3 Bibles. He taught me how to dress up. Like seriously. I had a horrible fashion taste, but sweet Abdul never gave up. He bought me like 60 designer handbags just to match all the outfits I had.
And no, I will not diverge any more details. Allow me to say these ladies, these men deserve a break. Treat them well this Valentine week and you will see how the goddesses of marriage will smile on you. Let us now raise a cup of tea and toast to these heroes, we love you.
Our strong Kenyan men! (Omundu khumundu!)