We don’t need men to wash panties for us, we need them to be present

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In the Facebook group, Thriving Singles, a guy said, “Call me stupid but I will cook for my woman, wash her bras, panties, and buy her presents”.

Just like how I have a thing for men who write in complete sentences, I also love men who address their women as my woman. There’s something about these guys. They know what it is they really have.

There’s nothing wrong with cooking for your woman and buying her presents, considering there are like three such men left. But washing her panties and bras? Are you freaking kidding me? Is it really necessary? Maybe you can do this when she is unwell or something, but it shouldn’t be the norm. These are some of the serious issues that need to be addressed in men’s conference come February.

We don’t need men to wash panties for us. We need grown ass mature men who take responsibility for their actions. Men who apologize when they wrong. Men who have their shit together. Or not. Men who are present. Men who say, babe I’m here, and they are really there. Men who show up. Men who mean what they say. Men who keep their word. Men who have leveled up. Emotionally. Men who keep choosing us in the little and big decisions they make. But washing my bra? Really? What else are you gonna do? Wipe my ass?

Here is what we really need from men;

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

Some men think we are complicated, but we are just simple creatures who need to be treated right and be seen and heard. And we don’t even need to talk for a whole day. Come on, we have things to do. We just want to be kept in the know. To know how you are doing. If you are okay. Warm. If you have eaten. Or if you remembered to lock the door on your way out.

If something is not okay, we need to talk about it. If I hurt you, lemme know. Don’t subject me to silence treatment. We don’t do that here. We really need to be in a place where there is open communication, and reviews and feedback. And working on getting better.

When you go out, let mama know you are with the boys and you’ll talk to her when you get back home. It’s simple as that. It can save a lot of arguments. Problem comes in when you are gone, we don’t know where you are and you aren’t even talking to us. It gets us on level 13.5 of crazy.

And for those who don’t have special names for their loved ones, just tell them Sharon Nyagah, I’ll be out with the boys, I’ll let you know when I’m home. Period.

Respect

Everyone deserves basic respect just by being human. And it must go both ways. This means acknowledging the man as the head. Being obedient. Kind. Listening. Valuing them. This means dealing with conflict in healthy and productive ways. It means expressing yourself honestly, in a thoughtful and considerate manner. It means appreciating your partner for who they are, regardless of their flaws. It’s acknowledging your differences and opinions. At times, respect is putting the other person in front of your needs. Protecting them and trying your best not to compromise your relationship.

When you respect each other, you build a health relationship.

Trust

In this city no one trusts anyone. Not even lovers themselves. And it gets me asking, why be with someone if you don’t trust them? If you don’t feel safe around them?

There’s always that fear of being cheated on. Of being betrayed. We live in a society that thinks men and women stopped being loyal. That no one can be trusted. And I think we need to change our mentality. Just because someone cheated on you, doesn’t mean the next person will. If someone left you for a richer guy, doesn’t mean everyone is always after the same thing. People have different drives and desires and motives.

If someone tells you they are single, don’t assume they aren’t. If someone didn’t reply your text the previous night, doesn’t mean they were cheating. Don’t look for reasons for things to go wrong. Reasons to want to sabotage a perfectly good thing. Don’t look at something and decide to see something different. Sometimes things are just the way they are. We tend to attach meaning to everything and I think that’s where we go wrong. Let’s just see things for what they are and not what they are not. People for who they are and not who they are not.

Vulnerability

I’ve heard people say that it’s a bad move for men to be vulnerable with their women. She’ll use that against you. At this point, I think we already know that people are different. And you can’t hold everyone accountable for something someone else did to you.

Vulnerability is expressing yourself honestly on an emotional level. It’s being transparent. Honest. Its feeling safe in a healthy environment that allows you to talk and be you. And that’s a strength not a weakness. Sometimes, it means trying to break down those walls and letting someone in.

A man who opens up is not weak. A man who decides to be vulnerable is still a man. A man who shows emotion is not less of a man in any way.

Loyalty

Loyalty means different things to different people. There are those who think sex shouldn’t carry much weight, and those who think it should. Those who see sex as just sex, and those who see it as a sacred form of intimacy. Depending on who you are doing it with.

Either way, being loyal is a choice someone makes. You either choose to commit to your partner or choose to cheat on them. And I think everyone deserves honesty and loyalty.

Honesty

It’s never as complicated as we make it seem. Guys, communicate your intentions clearly. Be honest about what you want. That way, a lot of confusion will be avoided. And people will know exactly where they stand. And the boundaries they shouldn’t cross. Don’t give mixed signals and expect the other person to understand what you are saying. We are adults. We deserves honesty. To be told our significance in people’s lives and when we are no longer needed anymore.

Time

It’s so easy to get caught up with life. But no matter how busy you are, create time and know how she is doing. Might be a text. A call. A dinner date. An email. We all need a little love. To be seen. And to be reminded that people care about our well-being and want us as much as we want them.

Cuddles

Aren’t cuddles amazing? Who the hell doesn’t love cuddles? They are the answer to a lot of problems. And sometimes, it’s all you need. When you are in the arms of someone you love, and they have spooned you or you are lying on their chest, nothing else really matters at that time. Even if the world is going up in flames.

Understanding

When someone tries to communicate something. Try and listen. And understand what they are trying to say. Where they are coming from. Don’t be quick to jump into conclusions or judge them. Or be quick to respond. Take your time.

Know your partners love language

There are five love languages. Words of Affirmation. Acts of Service. Receiving Gifts. Quality Time. And Physical Touch.

People communicate love in different ways and it’s important to know which one speaks to your partner most. To avoid friction or feeling as if the other person doesn’t care about you. If they love words of affirmation, use them often. If they love undivided attention, try and give them that.

Be affectionate, offer your support when you can and keep working on yourself for the sake of a better relationship. Is that a lot to ask for?

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