Women will be death of you and me

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Men and women are very different, it’s pretty amazing how we get along. Women love romance. They want you to make love to their minds, make them feel wanted and sexy. They want to lie on your chest and cuddle. Men want sex. Like if you could just turn around right now, the better. Women lie about small stuff, ‘I don’t have money, my mum will be in town over the weekend. Small stuff. But men lie about big stuff. Like children. And women. And marriage. Who does that?

But today we are talking about women.

The more I stay with women, the more I get shocked. If surprise had a face, it would be a woman. We can be very petty. Which is like all the time. And dramatic, for no apparent reason. We ask questions to answers we never want to hear. And then get mad when we hear them. Like when we ask if we are fat. We don’t want to know the answer. No one wants to be told they are fat. Even if they are. It’s like dating a writer and asking them what they make of love. You never want to hear the answer.

Here are the reasons why women can drive you crazy;

Women are difficult

I always thought men were complex creatures, but women are. Men are simple. They are strategic. They think in a straight line. After point A, they know its B and then C. I think that’s why things can get pretty much the same in bed. It starts with boobs, fingers doing the thing, then shoving in and out, and that’s it. No one barely says, let’s start with the back then finish with the front.

Women think in circles. They don’t follow a line of thought. Their thoughts are scattered everywhere, like grains of sand. That’s why we never tell stories like how they happened. We will bring irrelevant stuff, and even try to link it to an event that happened in 1978.

We are indecisive. Say this and then do that. Tell you to have fun and then get mad at you for having fun. Say we don’t know what’s wrong when we know exactly what’s wrong. It’s complicated.

We are always thinking

A man can be seated quietly thinking about nothing. But a woman is always thinking. Even if she’s staring at a wall. She’ll try and figure out what color could have matched the curtains, and if the wall can be moved, to make more space for the dining room.

We will create scenarios in our heads. Let our feelings define the reality. Because feelings are really important to us. If we feel as if things are not okay, then they are not okay, even if they are okay. A man could lay down all the facts and draw a pie chart with the perfect representation, but we will choose to say ‘but I feel like, my guts are telling me this…

We never forget

Just like God, men forget our wrongs and forgive us. Or let it slip for the sake of peace and happiness. But women never do. If you came home in the wee hours of the morning on Wednesday in 1994, with a different smell other than yours, she will keep reminding you of that until your ears bleed. Just like how parents are defined by their mistakes, this is how men too are defined.

The truth is never true enough

We always want to hear something else save for what we have already been told.  A man can say he was out with the boys, but the way he will be questioned will make him wonder if he went somewhere else without his knowledge.

Men see things as they are. We don’t. We always think there has to be something else behind the truth. I don’t know if it’s trust issues or what. A man can think about nothing, but that won’t be convincing enough for a woman. Like, how can you think about nothing? Are you sure you are not lying? Ama this nothing is a person?

Even when a guy is sleeping facing the other side. It’s an issue for mama. What’s on the other side? Women? Turn your head right now.

We never want to see men happy

Someone said that when you are doing well and you are happy, the devil sends you a woman. Very funny. I know we can be selfish. And toxic. We always want to be responsible for their happiness. Which is pretty twisted.

We mostly focus on ourselves. What we want, what we feel, how things should be. How the trash can shouldn’t be dirty or the bathroom floor wet. But do we ask what men want? What they need? If they are okay? What if they love the bathroom floor wet?

And guys will never have an issue with women hanging out with their female friends. But women, this never sits well with them. We will think of every worst scenario that could happen. A fight. Kuekewa mchele. Losing your favorite jacket. Haha who am I kidding?

If a guy laughs at a meme, you get mad at him for that. Like the meme shouldn’t have made him smile. Now you hate him and the meme.

Our selfishness makes us demand more in bed. Like where the hell do you want the nigga to get extra inches from? He has borrowed blood from other organs in his body and now you want him to borrow more inches? And wait for you to come? Really Agnes?

We get mad for no reason at all

Si you’ve heard of stories where a man wakes up in the middle of the night and mama is staring at him?  They don’t stare because they are thinking ‘Oh what a beautiful creature the Lord made. I am such a lucky woman. What did I do to deserve him?’ No. Mama is mad.

She might be mad for something you didn’t do or something she thinks you did. And even if you tell her the truth it won’t make a difference, her mind is made up. It might be something you did in her dream and you’ll never know.

And because the Almighty has different servants, he will manifest visions in our sleep and show us a Carol who is a threat to our relationship. So when we you wake up in the morning and we are staring at you and ask who Carol is, it’s not us. We didn’t go through your phone. It’s the work of the Lord Jesus. Praise be.

We are Jealous

Women don’t trust other women. Especially his lady friends. The man may not have an agenda, but you never know what’s cooking in the lady’s pot.

This is why we go nuts when a guy tells us not to feel threatened by another lady. It gives us a reason to be threatened more. It’s like someone telling you ‘baby don’t worry, the snake is not going to bite you, yet the cobra is lying next to you.

And I think the need to possess and own, and the need to have men belong to us only, can be dangerous and controlling.

I hear nowadays women ask their men to accompany them to the bathroom. You can never leave him at the table with another lady or guy. Times have changed.

We are insecure, insecure is us

Everyone is insecure about something. It might be the looks, or deep seated issues like feeling as if you are not good enough or the need for validation and approval. These issues stem from a lot of places, and can make people pay the price for something, someone else did.

Being insecure at times, might be a result of not connecting with someone on their level, failing to meet their or your needs, or struggling with the communication style.

And because of our over thinking, we will over analyze situations and spiral out of control. And before we know it, hurtful words are said, doors are slammed and calls go unanswered.

When your woman starts losing it, don’t play passive aggressive games. In as much as she might be wrong, try and understand where she is coming from. Haha it’s as if we do.

I know we are overrated, and can be everything you never asked for but can you imagine the world be without us?

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