Your Degrees Will Chase Men Away, So what?

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“You are ugly, desperate, foolish..any woman who claims that she doesn’t need a man is an idiot’,’ a Facebook user wrote last week after my article on Nairobi Cool.

I was seated pretty at the JKIA lobby awaiting my flight to Burundi as I laughed my heart out. Surprisingly, this insult came from a woman. I tried to sit down and put a face to her faceless Facebook profile. But I could not. I guess the truth had set me free- being a woman over 27 and single is not a first-degree murder crime. 

A glass of wine please!

The aggrieved woman is not alone. I get these questions a lot.

  • When are you getting married Naomi?

  • When are you going to stop paying rent –apparently husbands are rent payer machines. You get one and boom! Rent will move and sit next to history in the marriage dictionary.

  • Don’t you think hii masomo yako itafukuza wanaume? – Aren’t there women with PhD who are happily married out here? I often wonder silently. 

  • Ati you don’t like washing clothes.. who will marry you?

  • So, you think 27 is young? Wait until your ID reads 35, you will fast for 20 days in a month to even get a beggar to marry you!  

  • What, you didn’t pick his calls last night? Don’t you know that you could be ruining your chances of getting a husband soon?

  • You ate lunch at his house and didn’t wash the utensils? You mean you would rather grow old with manicured nails than have a grand wedding?

  • Naomi please stop putting on short dresses. No serious man will approach you for a serious relationship for marriage sake! A boyfriend once told me this and that is how he got the red card (You mean people wake up and dress up to impress men so that they can date them? Wololo yaye

These comments come from women mostly. Crazy Aunties, relatives, nosy neighbors and colleagues. Crazy aunties especially.

They will never stop reminding you that you are incomplete without a man. These women suffer from insecurities. They cannot walk away from their bad marriages and hate it when you are happily single. 

People never throw stones at fruitless trees. If this happens it’s either because there is a monkey holding sumptuous fruits that it has just stolen, or the thrower is blind!

I am a product of marriage. My parents’ marriage was a true definition of how love should be. So, no I am not against marriage. I am rather standing up for women to marry at their own time and on their terms.

God created Adam. And then he sensed he is was such a poor and lonely fellow, He decided to give him a woman as a helper. In any case, it’s the men who should be desperate for marriage because a wife brings favor and not the other way around!

So, I have some reminder for meddlesome women who think marriage is the only thing that a woman should worry about.

  • We were made for more- When God made me He had a divine purpose for my life and not just to get a strange surname in exchange for a wedding ring.

  • Women are the society pillars. Destroying their self-esteem is akin to destroying the pillars that hold the society up- Disastrous. You doubt me? Read Psalms 144:12

  • We all have daughters, students, nieces, aunties whom we love with all our hearts. Wouldn’t we want to protect them from any sort of harm? Including venom from people who think that marriage status is equal to a passport to heaven?

  • Don’t we all have problems that carry serious magnitude than being single (if that is ever a problem), I mean, Jubilee government could not attract idlers to their ‘national’ celebration. Don’t we all complain when a man whose claim to fame is carrying githeri in a plastic bag and three months later he bags a state award?

  • This is probably the best season in any woman’s life. A period of travelling the world, reading all sorts of books, going to the gym until 9pm and eating KFC chicken for supper without being disturbed by comments such as babe, leo utanipikia chapo? (Your long acrylic nails wandering why you bought them at such a high price only to be killed in a chapatti dough.)

Let us encourage women to get married. But let us also encourage them to pursue their dreams. Let us encourage them to stand up for themselves. Let us push them to victory. A society is only as strong as its women! So, before you raise another stone in my inbox, before you claim that I am a bitter woman, before you claim that I am high on some illegal substance, put some tape on your lips and solemnly swear that you shall never put a woman down with a weapon called a tongue! Banange! A double tot of tea for me! I am 30, single and I shall marry when I want!


Also read “I Am 30, Single And I Don’t Care”



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